Counselling -

How to Know What Relationship Trouble Is and Isn't

There are patterns in relationships. Whether things are going well or there is relationship trouble, there are some consistent patterns that can be learned. The learning of these patterns can decrease the sense of confusion in a person experiencing relationship problems and the emotional upheavel that tends to accompany these difficulties.

It is discomforting and difficult. Each of us has expectations for marriage and dating relationships. When they aren't met it can be difficult to accept because reality is so far from what we'd expected. Learning to accept the reality of their situation is commonly a big challenge for people. Learning how to remain hopeful, while at the same time not trying to sugar coat reality.

It is not an isolated experience that is unique to you. All people experience problems in their relationship at some time. This is important to recognize. Many times when relationship troubles get more frequent and problematic, people often feel like they are all alone in their struggles. They are not.

It is surmountable, something you can effectively deal with. There are skills you can learn to help you minimize and eliminate many of the common relationship troubles that plague people.

It is not the case that you have a fatal flaw, something terribly wrong with you. The feeling of being alone and the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you are the two most common feelings people have when their relationship troubles start to feel like they're going to overwhelm them. People from all walks of life are working through challenging marriage and dating situations similar and in many cases almost identical to the ones you're working through.

It is predictable. Our behaviour patterns have a lot of consistency to them as a result of us humans being creatures of habit. In a marriage or dating relationship, there are generally no more than a couple primary, foundational issues that are causing problems for the couple. From these core issues spring forth many other issues. A wide range of other problems will be dealt with when the core issue is properly isolated and effectively worked on.

It is often not a simple endeavor, a process of ease. It can be rather taxing to work through conflict and learn how to negotiate your differences. To be a good partner, a good spouse, often requires more effort than we had anticipated. Learning how to interract with our spouse in new and improved ways is part of the process.