Counselling - Men of Steel

How grand life would be if relationships were as simple as they often appear in story books and movies. The men ride up on white steeds and “rescue” the women, and the two of them ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Although our times have changed, these basic desires are still alive and well in the lives of vast numbers of men and women.

It’s all fine and good to for a man to want to rescue a woman…but what if he can’t ride a horse? In other words: too many men find themselves trying to rescue women when they are beset with their own problems. They are feeling the pressures of life and in need of some rescuing themselves.

The fact is, everybody has problems, and everybody needs a little help sometimes. Men can find themselves wanting to reach out to women, whether in dating or marriage situations, but they lack the strength due to problems they’re facing. Many men can get caught up in the “men of steel” act, much to their detriment.

Men like these don’t want to admit their weakness for fear of not being loved. They try to keep up a façade of strength even when it’s obvious to most people close to them that they are in need of some help.

A man is judged in large part by his competency. This is very evident during the dating process when a woman is trying to make a decision about him. Women place a high value on a man’s ability to be responsible. This is natural of course, because even though the times have changed, women are still far more likely to stay home with children than men are. This means the man will be the main bread winner and therefore must exhibit a high level of responsible behaviour.

Sadly though, during the process of becoming a man of responsibility, many men develop the habit of attempting to never show weakness. A lot of them end up frustrated and confused because of the awkward position they find themselves in. On one hand they are happy to be able to help their wife or girlfriend, while on the other, they often resent their requests for help.

Their resentment stems primarily from their under addressed fatigue levels. They are not as strong as they would like to be: like some fictional super hero. They often wish there weren’t so many demands put on them, which is a normal response to high levels of responsibility. They create problems in their relationships when they won’t ask for help due to feelings of shame and embarrassment. It’s essential for men to learn how to share their burdens with the wives without fearing rejection.