Counselling -

The Broken Finger Syndrome: Men Not Calling After a Date

When a man tells a woman at the end of a date that he had fun and he'll give her a call tomorrow, most women think he means tomorrow, not some random day in the future. This can be a very frustrating experience for a single woman and leave her feeling like she's being toyed with. What causes men to act like this? How come some don't call when they say they will and some don't even call back at all?

There are a couple options.

1. He's not interested in you. He doesn't feel you have enough in common. He said he'd call as a way of being polite. He didn't tell you the truth because he doesn't want to risk having you upset at him. He especially doesn't want to see you sad. This behaviour can certainly be very self serving as your date is only concerned with making life easier for himself. He's not taking into account the fact that he's leading you on. By saying one thing and doing something different, he is playing games. Unfortunately, taking no for an answer is something that many people who go on dates have a hard time accepting. It's distinctly possible that he's attempted to tell a previous date the truth, that there was no future for the two of them. His date blasted him or even worse, began crying.

2. Fear of rejection. He isn't sure if you feel the same way he does, because he likes you. He is too scared to get honest feedback from you. For some men, the task of asking a woman out on a date is really tough. Phoning her the next day is the only thing more difficult for him. Was she simply being polite or does she actually like me? The men that are most prone to this sort of problem don't understand the process of dating. They're unaware or unclear about the fact the process of dating requires a fair amount of trial and error. On the initial date, it's not wise to try and have things all figured out. He would do well to simple phone and see if there is enough mutual interest for a second date. These sort of men are often consumed with winning a woman over. Instead they should be looking to find a woman who is a fit or a good match for who he is. He views the outcome of the phone call as either a win or lose situation.

3. Doesn't know what he wants. He mustered up the courage to ask and then go out with a woman on a date. He went through with the date. When it relates to serious relationships with women, this may be all he feels he can deal with. Dating has a level of emotional detachment that many men and women find they can handle. They can manage well as long as the relationship doesn't become something more complex. Intimate relationships that go beyond simple dating require a level of vulnerability and transparency many people aren't willing to engage in.