Counselling -

The Comfort Zone Trap

Unless you’re a rare individual reading this, you realize that there is a number of adjustments to be made during the course of a dating or marriage relationship. Many of these changes are not particularly fun to make, but they are very important none the less.

One of the biggest, self imposed barriers, to making relationship changes is the “comfort zone.” It’s really not a very accurate term, because it is also a place where scores of people experience a lot of discomfort as well.

The fact is: the comfort zone can work for or against a person, it just depends on how the choices they make.

When the comfort zone is working for us, we find ourselves in a rhythm or “flow” that enables us to do things effectively and without expending extra effort. When the comfort zone is working against us, we find ourselves stuck in a rut; one where the fear of change and fear of failure restrict our overall effectiveness in life.

When one or both of the partners in a relationship gets trapped in their comfort zone, stagnation and increased tension are bound to be present. For relationships to succeed, little adjustments are necessary to be made on a regular basis. This is the same for everybody, because all of us are changing, whether we like it or not.

Do you find yourself getting stuck in your “comfort zone” over issues in your relationship that aren’t worth digging in your heals over? Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of issues worth standing your ground over, but one shouldn’t get caught up in the low priority ones.

Many of the comfort zone issues people deal with were put in place long before the couple got together. Family of origin habits regarding annual vacations can be a point of contention for many people. Knowing when to be flexible and when not, can go a long way to creating a more harmonious relationship.

For a relationship to flourish, new comfort zones, healthy ones, will need to be developed by both members. Both people in the relationship want to have a measure of positive influence over the other; to engage in a deep level of sharing and intimacy. This cannot happen when one or both of the folks consistently dig in their heels and refuse to allow the other to have much meaningful influence. When this sort of rigidity exists in a couple’s relationship, the comfort zone is definitely working against their collective desires. An openness to small, regular changes, is vital for the health of any relationship that is going survive and thrive.